Obama, Call Your Office

“I never remember in my lifetime a sitting president trashing a previous president. I’ve never heard that before.” —"The View" co-host Joy Behar

Grand Delusions

“We let them define the issue on immigration. We let them define the issue on DEI. And we let them define what ‘woke’ is. … We got ourselves in this mess because we weren’t bold enough to stand up and say, ‘You [sic] damn right we’re proud of these policies. We’re going to put them in, and we’re going to execute them.’” —Tim Walz

Hollyweird

“Along came our 45th president and we entered into a whole other world… We became a symbol of the resistance and a fight for human rights.” —"The Handmaid’s Tale" executive producer Warren Littlefield

Shot/Chaser

“Confirmed: Ninja swords will be banned by this summer. When we promise action we take it.” —British Prime Minister Kier Starmer

“When ninjas are invading your nation, you know that open borders have gone too far….” —Senator Ted Cruz

Re: The Left

“Expanding the federal government has been a progressive priority since the time of Woodrow Wilson, and now its tentacles — via federal funding and a skein of rules — reach practically into every corner of American life. The universities are particularly dependent on government and intertwined with it, and are quickly learning how uncomfortable it is when their paymaster isn’t ideologically aligned with them and is willing to throw his weight around. … If the academic establishment is now fully realizing the power that its federal patron has over higher education, maybe it should have made a little more time for libertarian critiques of government power all along.” —Rich Lowry

Political Futures

“Undoubtedly, heads should roll [vis-à-vis Signal]. But the Republicans, rightly so, are not going to go first. … Two wrongs do not make a right but don’t expect the political right to keep offing its supporting cast when Democrats keep promoting theirs.” —Erick Erickson

“In 2024, Trump increased his 2020 vote total in every single state. And he won 89% of all the counties in the United States. On every issue, Democrats sided with strident leftist movements rather than the majority of Americans.” —Victor Davis Hanson

Belly Laugh of the Day

“I got an 18-year-old, Gus … and I’m having one of those dad talks with him. … In the middle of it he gives me the old, ‘Says the guy who got his ass kicked by Donald Trump.’” —Tim Walz

And Last…

“People often misunderstand Elon. He’s not motivated by money or fame — he’s motivated by the idea of improving humanity. [H]is goal has always been the same — to leave the world in a better place than he found it.” —Elon’s mother, Maye Musk