WASHINGTON, D.C. — Federal agent Ray Epps will step down from his role as head of PSYOPS at the end of the Biden administration, the agency said Thursday, ending a distinguished career of covertly manipulating the American people.

Epps said it was important to retire now and preserve his pension before he was forced out by Trump and lost it all.

“I’ve paid my dues,” Epps said with a smile. “I’ve secretly been pulling the strings for the deep state a long time and it’s time for me to enjoy my retirement before Trump gets on my case about inciting January 6.”

FBI Director Christopher Wray, who is also stepping down at the end of the Biden administration, praised Ray Epps for the incredible work he’s done turning Americans against each other. “Without Epps, America would be a downright peaceful place,” he said. “We owe him a debt of gratitude.”

Epps has been with the service since the 60s, first rising to prominence in the bureau thanks to his collaboration with the CIA to kill JFK. He enjoyed a long career as a Deep State agent, but after two failed Trump assassination attempts he decided it was time to throw in the towel.

“I’m slowing down a bit,” Epps said, taking a long drag on a Cuban cigar. “But that doesn’t mean I’m done. Maybe I’ll spend some time on a beach destabilizing Argentina for a while. You gotta keep busy.”

At publishing time, Epps had been awarded The FBI Medal for Meritorious Achievement by President Joe Biden for his hard work destroying America.

From our friends at The Babylon Bee.